OK, so I made a commitment to myself that no matter how shite I feel, no matter how bad things seem, that I keep this blog up-to-date. Why? It helps me stay focused on my next goal. Which is, to be able to help people, whether with chronic illness or not, be healthier and happier. I WILL BE BACK IN COLLEGE IN SEPTEMBER.
Now I wanted to be feeling a lot better going back to college in September, and while I want to remain as positive as possible, I have to be realistic too. I woke up this morning missing half the eyesight in my left eye. Most of it returned, but this is becoming a common occurrence now. It is part of the constant migraine I’ve had since last October. Now, I smell smells that aren’t there. I thought the house was burning down the other day, but there was nothing. I thought I’d spilt (or is it spilled? Brain? Hello?) perfume all over my room. Then I smelt petrol. What TF is going on with my schnozzle?!
I feel horrendously guilty that I’m probably pestering the bejaysus out of my lovely surgeon right now, but truth be told, it scares me shitless waking up with missing bits of eyesight, to smell petrol when I’m miles away from the nearest petrol station. Did I obtain dog level superhuman smelling capabilities?! Oddly enough the day before, I smelt my Mums’ sunscreen when she came upstairs into my room, it made my eyes water. I had to ask her to leave 🙁 The absolute bang off it, I may as well have been in a sunscreen factory! I am also shit scared of the pain. It’s random, it’s stabbing, and it’s horrific. Sigourney, my alien-looking shunt, needs an adjustment. I tilt my head back and she screams at me, from inside my brain. It’s a strange feeling!
I do always want to try and stay positive. The last week has been the worst so far out of a 4-year battle with pain and illness and poxes that I seem to collect. I want to be able to say to you all that I coped well with it, but, I don’t feel that I have – not from a health perspective. I am human. In periods of pain and stress, I eat sugar, bread, and processed shite. My own wellness coach knew this before I even told him. It’s like he has a radar that picks up on the bad habits I have.. well, that’s what a good coach does.
I want to be that one day for other people. Getting back to college is absolutely imperative. Despite my daily bad habits when it comes to coping with pain and stress, I have made sure that the projects I have on in my life, that will be of benefit to me when this period of illness is over – I’ve kept them going. I’ve updated spreadsheets, sent emails… I am planning for the wellness that I pray is on it’s way. I have not, and never will, give up. Nor will I eat sugar this week. If I can cut that shit out when I’m feeling at my worst, imagine how easy it’ll feel when I’m at my best? Better times are on their way.
P.S. Isn’t Sean Bean still a total hottie? Yeowwwwww.
P.P.S. I have meme’d the crap out of this post. You can never have too many memes! 🙂